In December 2012, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. This did not come as a surprise. For years I felt like I was wrapped up in my own head. There were many nights where I wished I could fall asleep and never wake up again. I figured this was normal, doesn't everyone want to disappear forever? Apparently not. It wasn't until I started having panic attacks, and looked for every possible reason to skip school to stay in bed all day, that I figured there was a problem. The athletic trainers and the guidance counselor at my high school were actually the ones to suggest that I go to the doctors. I probably wouldn't have without them.
Since then, the journey has been long and not-so-easy. Shortly after I started counseling, I was admitted into a hospital for suicidal ideation. In the spring I was put into inpatient twice and also a day hospital twice. During the weeks I was in these programs, we had many family sessions with my therapist. This was VERY hard. Going from talking to no one about my demons, to talking about them with the people I love the most hurt a lot.
In my therapy, there were many activities that we did to learn how to get through the rough patches that are inevitable for ones with depression. But the more I learn about people, the more I realize that everyone has bouts of depression, severe or not. One thing that we had to do was make a list of reasons to live. When I first had to do this, I had trouble of even thinking of three things that I truly felt could keep me here. But through my counseling I have gotten better overall and my list keeps growing and growing. I wrote the first 100 reasons down in my personal journal, but as I kept thinking of more I started writing them randomly on my Twitter account. That got me thinking... Instead of using this list just for myself, I really want others to be able to use my list when they are having trouble thinking of three things for theirs. So on this blog I will be documenting the big and little things that make my life worth living. Thanks so much for reading! :)
-B
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