How to be a Friend to Someone with Depression

   It is really hard to be a friend to someone who is struggling. Many people just don't know what to do or say, especially if they have never experienced depression before. When I was struggling, I blamed a lot of my sadness on others. Because my confidence was so low, I thought that others were purposely leaving me out of activities, when really I was just so isolated that I made it hard for even my best friends to try and connect with me. It's hard to explain, but a lot of times when during my bad days, I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted a friend by my side constantly, but I also wanted to be left alone. It's difficult for everyone involved. I thought I would write some advice for both parties - how to help someone and how to let someone help you.

People who are Struggling - Depression is hard and if you have not experienced what it feels like first hand, then it is very difficult to try and understand. That's why it's important to try and let others know how you feel. People cannot read minds and sometimes they can't tell that you are struggling, so you must speak. It's an important part of healing, and for me, the most difficult. No matter who you are or what your situation, there are people out there who WANT to help you. Let them. Of course, no one can fix you. Getting better is a choice, but the path of healing is made significantly easier when someone is there for you along the way. Be open and communicate. Allow someone to do something nice for you and be grateful. Remember always that people care for you and want you to be happy, but don't feel as if you let them down even if you are not. It takes lots of time and work, but in the end you will be glad that you have someone you can be open with.

Friends - The most important thing to keep in mind is that depression is never someone's fault, so it's good to remember not to be judgmental. Also, do not expect to be able to heal someone else. Your job is not to lead them down the path of healing, it's to walk beside them. Stay positive and be open. Specifically ask what they would like you to do to help them. Every case is different, so you never really know what they want. Sometimes they will want to be alone and that is okay. Offer to do things that you know they love to do. Take them on a hike or to a movie. It takes a lot of effort to be the friend, but do not give up on them. Whether they show it or not, they need friends. Encourage them to do little things, like shower or make their bed. Remind them that you care. Remind them that depression is a liar and that it does not control them.

   I saw this great article on facebook about how to show love to someone with depression. It has some great ideas about things that you can actually do... http://www.thedarlingbakers.com/love-someone-with-depression/

   For both parties the most important thing to remember is to never ever give up, no matter how much you believe that things are not working. Some day, all of your efforts will be so, so worth it.

:) - B