Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Friday, September 18, 2015
Reason #34 - Fairs!
Over the weekend I got to go to the Eastern Idaho State Fair and my heart is full!! All day I get to stuff myself with fatty foods, pet cute animals, and walk around with one of my favorite people. What doesn't sound good about that?! Also, I went to my first ever demolition derby. It was super redneck and I loved every second. Oh, I wouldn't trade my crazy life for anything. :)
Monday, August 25, 2014
Let Me Tell You Something About Depression...
Lately I have been feeling very prompted to write something straightforward about living with depression. I always hesitate to talk about this subject. I never want people to worry about me, pity me, label me, or feel that I am always complaining about my life. There will always be those people who just won't understand, not because they are rude, but because they just cannot fathom feeling so low. I am jealous of these people. I wish I did not have this deep understanding of darkness, but everyone has their own trials. This just happens to be mine, so I shouldn't have to keep such a big part of my life so hidden.
The best way I can describe living with depression is "the hole". On my worst days I literally feel like there's a hole in me. A big, gaping one right in the middle of my chest. I feel like I have to curl myself into a ball and cover it to make sure my insides don't fall out. It's the weirdest thing.
Sometimes I feel so exhausted that breathing is hard. That I consciously have to keep filling my lungs with air because my body won't do it on it's own. But that's the only thing I feel like I can handle in that moment. It hurts to even think about moving your body out of bed.
Sometimes I feel so numb and it's scary. In my opinion this is the worst part of depression. There comes a point where you just start not caring. You don't feel happy, but you don't feel sad. You don't feel anything and you're kind of just there. Like you're just taking up space. That's the worst because nothing matters. Failing grades? Whatever. Your health? Ehh. Losing friends? It was bound to happen anyway. I would take the feeling of complete sadness or complete heartache a million times over feeling numb. It's better to feel something than nothing at all.
I'm not sharing all this because I want to depress you or to try to get people to feel bad for me. The purpose of this is that I want you to know that even this pain passes. It really does. Of course, it may come and go. And during a low day you might not ever think that things will be different because it is so hard to see past misery when it forms all around you in a thick, black haze. But you're whole life will not be darkness. There are too many great things in this world to see, to do, and to love to always be sad. And the more things you see, do, and love, the less time you have to dwell on your depression. Yes, it may always be there. You may always have to take anti-depressants or you may have to go to therapy every week until you're gray, but happiness is so possible.
I promise that the hardest part about living with depression is telling someone. It takes a lot of courage and recovery takes work. But it is the most rewarding thing. The first good day after a period of numbness is like a breath of fresh air. You finally feel like you can stop forcing a half smile and happiness starts coming naturally again. Feeling that on top of the world makes all that hard work feel so worth it. Just like sadness, happiness does not last forever. I encourage you to journal a lot in these happy moments. Make a list of reasons to live, or jot down some little things that just make you happy. Because if another bad day happens to pop up out of the blue, you have something to remind you how possible it is to feel good again. And remember that people want to help, so let them. No one can do life alone, even if depression is something they don't have to deal with.
:)
The best way I can describe living with depression is "the hole". On my worst days I literally feel like there's a hole in me. A big, gaping one right in the middle of my chest. I feel like I have to curl myself into a ball and cover it to make sure my insides don't fall out. It's the weirdest thing.
Sometimes I feel so exhausted that breathing is hard. That I consciously have to keep filling my lungs with air because my body won't do it on it's own. But that's the only thing I feel like I can handle in that moment. It hurts to even think about moving your body out of bed.
Sometimes I feel so numb and it's scary. In my opinion this is the worst part of depression. There comes a point where you just start not caring. You don't feel happy, but you don't feel sad. You don't feel anything and you're kind of just there. Like you're just taking up space. That's the worst because nothing matters. Failing grades? Whatever. Your health? Ehh. Losing friends? It was bound to happen anyway. I would take the feeling of complete sadness or complete heartache a million times over feeling numb. It's better to feel something than nothing at all.
I'm not sharing all this because I want to depress you or to try to get people to feel bad for me. The purpose of this is that I want you to know that even this pain passes. It really does. Of course, it may come and go. And during a low day you might not ever think that things will be different because it is so hard to see past misery when it forms all around you in a thick, black haze. But you're whole life will not be darkness. There are too many great things in this world to see, to do, and to love to always be sad. And the more things you see, do, and love, the less time you have to dwell on your depression. Yes, it may always be there. You may always have to take anti-depressants or you may have to go to therapy every week until you're gray, but happiness is so possible.
I promise that the hardest part about living with depression is telling someone. It takes a lot of courage and recovery takes work. But it is the most rewarding thing. The first good day after a period of numbness is like a breath of fresh air. You finally feel like you can stop forcing a half smile and happiness starts coming naturally again. Feeling that on top of the world makes all that hard work feel so worth it. Just like sadness, happiness does not last forever. I encourage you to journal a lot in these happy moments. Make a list of reasons to live, or jot down some little things that just make you happy. Because if another bad day happens to pop up out of the blue, you have something to remind you how possible it is to feel good again. And remember that people want to help, so let them. No one can do life alone, even if depression is something they don't have to deal with.
:)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Reason #6 - Friends
I wasn't always the best friend during my low periods. I became very isolated and distant. It was very hard for others to connect with me and because of that I felt like I was losing friends. I am thankful for those that stuck around and tried to understand what I was going through. I don't have enough time to write about them all, but I found a bunch of pictures today. Even all these pictures don't cover all the people that stuck by me through that time.
Be a good friend and never ever give up on anyone. Chances are they are acting like that for a reason. Take time to listen and just be there when they need you. And if you are the struggling friend, don't be afraid to confide in your friends. They can't read your mind, so they need you to tell them how to help. If they are a good friend, they will listen. Sometimes the best thing someone can do to help is just sit in silence, not talking about problems, but just being there.
Be a good friend and never ever give up on anyone. Chances are they are acting like that for a reason. Take time to listen and just be there when they need you. And if you are the struggling friend, don't be afraid to confide in your friends. They can't read your mind, so they need you to tell them how to help. If they are a good friend, they will listen. Sometimes the best thing someone can do to help is just sit in silence, not talking about problems, but just being there.
-B
Reason #5 - Hand-written Letters
Hand written letters mean a lot to me. I save every single one I receive and I read them on really bad days. I have letters that my 2nd grade class wrote me when I moved to Maryland, all the way to "thank you" letters that I got last week. There is something so special about a letter. Someone took the time to write to you, to thank you for something that you did for them, or to send some words of encouragement.
My lovely friend Jane, who is currently on a mission trip in India, wrote me many letters to brighten my day when I was struggling a lot. She would add Bible verses in them and always reminded me that I was never alone in this. That impacted me so much and I am so thankful for her.
One of the best notes that I ever received was only 9 words long, but was literally the turning point in my depression. At the camp I go to every year, I was sitting next to one of my most amazing friends, Melissa. We were listening to a speaker and she knew I was struggling and not making the best choices in my life at that time. She ripped off the corner of her paper and wrote me a little note and handed it to me. When I read it I burst out crying. I don't think she knew how much it meant to me, but we ended up both crying and making a little bit of a scene, haha. I'm not sure why it just hit me then, but there was just such a feeling of love in that moment. It was amazing. I literally felt like God had prompted her to do that because it was just what I needed. I still have that tiny note in my journal and it means so much to me.
You never know what some kind words can do for someone. If you appreciate someone, write them a note. A little goes a long way.
-B
P.S. If you would like to read about Jane and her team's adventures of spreading Christ's love in India, here is the link to their blog. She is an amazing writer! http://ywamwylieindia.wordpress.com/
My lovely friend Jane, who is currently on a mission trip in India, wrote me many letters to brighten my day when I was struggling a lot. She would add Bible verses in them and always reminded me that I was never alone in this. That impacted me so much and I am so thankful for her.
One of the best notes that I ever received was only 9 words long, but was literally the turning point in my depression. At the camp I go to every year, I was sitting next to one of my most amazing friends, Melissa. We were listening to a speaker and she knew I was struggling and not making the best choices in my life at that time. She ripped off the corner of her paper and wrote me a little note and handed it to me. When I read it I burst out crying. I don't think she knew how much it meant to me, but we ended up both crying and making a little bit of a scene, haha. I'm not sure why it just hit me then, but there was just such a feeling of love in that moment. It was amazing. I literally felt like God had prompted her to do that because it was just what I needed. I still have that tiny note in my journal and it means so much to me.
You never know what some kind words can do for someone. If you appreciate someone, write them a note. A little goes a long way.
-B
P.S. If you would like to read about Jane and her team's adventures of spreading Christ's love in India, here is the link to their blog. She is an amazing writer! http://ywamwylieindia.wordpress.com/
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